25 Aug

Gosh, almost another month has passed. I still feel like I’ve achieved nothing, though looking at Henry it seems plenty has been going on. The Master of the house has found his smile, his hands, a cheeky giggle and a powerful kick. He’s becoming more and more like a real little boy with each day that passes and often I catch myself sitting there with him in my arms thinking I made you. For nine months I helped you grow from a microscopic little thing to something with arms and legs and hands and a nose. Those toes that I’m holding right now, you grew those inside of me. That smile, that hair, those beautiful blue eyes; all that was once living inside of me and now, here it is, out here in the world growing up right in front of me.

Some days it feels like it’s all going to quickly. I want to catch and savour every moment, I don’t want to let a single smile pass me by. Only yesterday I was in that labour ward listening to Cinematic Orchestra as Henry made his grand entrance. I can still remember every second – what it felt like, what it smelt like – and the slightest thing can take me back to that very room where he took his first breath. I can still feel him nestled on my chest, and remember what it was like to hold him with one hand.

They say it takes about six weeks to forget the pain of labour and be ready to do it all over again. I can’t say I’ve forgotten, but I can say I’ve now reached the point where it all doesn’t seem so bad. A second, and maybe even a third is certainly a possibility. Not now, not yet. There’s still so much to do and enjoy but someday, yes.

But for now our days are slowly slipping into a predictable routine. There’s mothers group and nap times, play dates and story books. Cakes are being baked, rugs are being sewn and knitted and the odd job is being picked up here and there. There are good days and bad ones, days where everything clicks and days where nothing makes sense. But I’ve reached that point where I feel I know this tiny new little human being, so when things aren’t going to plan I know it’s not forever.

As for today? It’s a mixed bag of smiles and tears. But it’s nothing a slice of birthday cake and an afternoon nap won’t fix.


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