And there it is…

4 Feb

After residing on cloud nine for the past few days I was beginning to wonder when my usual state of nervous anxiety would return. Today, apparently, is that day.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m super excited that we’re having a little boy. I’ve spent my lunch hour today (and, lets face it, most of yesterday) looking at cute boy outfits, planning out how I want to decorate Henry’s room, making lists of all the stuff we need to get to welcome our new addition into the world. And then it hit me. I know nothing about boys. Nothing at all. And then I started to freak out.

First, it was the nappy change. What the hell do you do with the sausage and potatoes? How do you keep them clean? What if I stuff up and he gets all infected? Is it weird that I think it’s weird that I’ll have to look at it?

After getting my head around all that, then I started wondering what you do with boy toddlers. I mean, I’m a girly girl. I like to make quilts and cupcakes. Am I allowed to do that with a boy? I figure if he takes after his dad he’s totally going to appreciate the cupcake thing, but what else do I do with him? Can I put him in those cute crawler leggings I’ve seen my friends baby girls without subtly influencing the rest of his life? Can I take him to the museum, the art gallery, the library? Does it all have to be about sports and rough-housing? Is there a way to raise a boy that’s not a complete stereotype? Is he going to want to read? Oh-My-God what am I going to talk to him about? And worse, what am I going to do when he stops talking altogether?

Of course all of this is irrational rambling. I have a few friends who have boys and they all seem to be getting on fine. And I’m totally relishing the opportunity of having my very own tabula rasa from which to influence the creation of a perfect gentleman. I’m super excited about seeing my little man grow up and deep down I can’t wait for him to do all the stupid crazy things boys are want to do. But at the same time, I’m a little nervous.

I guess it just comes down to the fact that now, knowing we’re having a boy, knowing that Henry is on his way, it’s jumped up to a whole other level of real to me. In less than 20 weeks we’re going to be bringing home a little man, a little human, who we’ve got to raise and care for for the rest of our lives. It’s enough to make me want to run and scream and jump and cry all at once.

Mostly, I guess,  I’m hoping and praying that I have in me the potential to give our little one the best the world could hope for.

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