Is that what I think it is?

21 Jan

A stretch mark? At 18 weeks? You’ve got to be freaking kidding me.

I’m sure every pregnant woman is terrified of stretch marks. In fact, I’m sure every woman, pregnant or not, is terrified of potential pregnancy stretch marks. And I know that there’s not much you can do about it, except not gain too much weight and hope that you’ve got some stellar genes behind you. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t rolled myself in stretch mark cream and consumed copious amounts of water in an effort to hydrate my skin and avoid some of the side effects of growing a large baby.

So, then, imagine my horror when I look down today – at the parts of my stomach I can actually see – and spot a whisper of what can only be a stretch mark in the making. At 18 weeks. I’m not even half way yet. And I’ve got a stretch mark. Cue tears and feeling of utter helplessness.

Of course then I did what I knew I shouldn’t and I googled it. Because I wanted to know just how bad it could get. To be prepared and all that. And I saw how bad it could get and I have to admit I cried a little bit. Because wonderful though it is to be making a new life I kinda want my body to be attractive enough after for my husband to want to make another one. Lame, shallow, vain – I know. I can’t help it. If I were to say I didn’t care I’d be lying. And, sure, there are women out there who would give anything for stretch marks if it meant they had a child. I’m pretty sure somewhere back in August ’10 I said something along those exact lines. Of course if those were the options I’d choose horrendous stretch marks, cellulite and a muffin top any day.

But when it happens it’s still a bit… harsh. So much changes so quickly when you’re pregnant. Things stretch, hurt, leak and expand almost overnight. Two months ago I had a lap. Now, when I lay down on the sofa there’s a bulge. A bulge that I love, a bulge that wriggles and squirms, but it is kinda freaky to have something so totally yours be taken over so completely in such a short time. And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Anyway. I’m still clutching at the vain hope that the creams can’t hurt, that drinking lots of water is good for me no matter what, and that if I watch my weight and get off my arse and actually exercise it won’t be that bad. If it is? Well, I married a doctor. There’s gotta be some kick backs from that somewhere along the line, right?

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