The week (and a half) that was

19 Jan

Having completely failed in my New Year’s resolution to post here more often, and about things more interesting than myself, I thought I’d write a sneaky update today while at work in an effort to get the ball rolling.

First off, that movement I felt last week? Yeah, it was totally Pork Chop. And I am stoked. And I’ve broken pregnancy promise #297 that I will stop worrying when I feel the little one move. Because now when I feel movement I worry it’s not resting enough, or is somehow uncomfortable pressed up against my soft, warm bladder, or is not moving enough and therefore slowly being strangled by its umbilical cord.

Anyway, aside from having a stiff drink I’m doing all I can to stop panicking. Including sending long, completely self-absorbed and paranoid emails to friends and booking myself in to see a therapist because I realise it’s going to be a long 21 years for both me and The Boy if I can’t even pretend to act cool.

So, item of note number 1: Pork Chop is moving. Pork Chop is also the cutest baby ever, as is evidenced in the latest in utero happy snap that The Boy and I sneakily took at the hospital late one night last week. It’s got a whopper of a head, but I’m confident that it’s body will catch up soon. And that being inexperienced sonographers we hopefully got the measurements wrong.

2. I have just experienced the delight that is the maternity bra. Thank you sister-in-law Mel! Holy mother of God why I haven’t got these puppies secured better before now is anyone’s guess. But let me just say that an underwire bra is a lady’s best friend, unless that lady is pregnant in which case it turns into an object of unending torture.

3. I am still procrastinating about painting (and cleaning) the house. Though I do hope to pick up some paint samples this weekend. This is because I’ve just found out they make blackboard paint in lots of cool colours and so I am planning to paint every spare surface in the stuff in the hope that it’ll help both me, and The Boy, actually remember stuff.

4. I have a lasagna craving that is just not going away. Is this what pregnant chics mean when they talk about cravings? Because it’s not as though I’d make The Boy get up at 2am to go make me lasagna and then bitch and moan at him if he so much as suggested that it may be too much trouble, though I do really have a hankering for it. Mmmm. Lasagna.

5.  Pork Chop likes Dr Seuss. Since he/she can now hear, I’ve decided to start doing a nightly read to stimulate those developing brain cells. Cat in the Hat was a big favourite eliciting lots of movement. Now I have visions of a tiny fetus sitting cross-legged in my womb, flipping through Jane Austen novels and sighing over pretty ribbons and the delectable Mr Darcy.

6. The Boy doesn’t get Jane Austen and very nearly met an unfortunate end just recently when he tried to flip the channel away from Pride and Prejudice to the cricket.

7. Milo minus balls makes for a much happier household. Though he has partly destroyed a large amount of furniture, and has caused us to completely renovate the top level of our house, he appears to be much more settled now the call of the wild has been significantly muted. Plus, he’s the cutest little thing when he’s sleeping.

8. Milo minus balls also sends a clear message to The Boy what I’m capable of doing to menfolk who don’t toe the line. Additionally, it makes The Boy undisputed Man of the House, a fact he is quite proud of.

And in other, far more interesting news…

9. There has been a lot of flooding in Queensland, New South Wales and Victoria. A city went underwater. Towns washed away. 18 people died. And the media did what they did best and over-saturated us all with dramatic, repetitive reports that on the whole lacked substance. Much like this blog, really.

10. More than 600 people lost their lives in Brazil thanks to a massive flood and landslide. There was zero airtime for that disaster, a fact I find appalling.

11. A couple aborted their twin sons, conceived by IVF, because they wanted a girl. I can’t understand it, but then I’ve never lost a daughter.

12. Sudan went to the polls to split their nation along religious lines. I appear to be the only one who thinks this sounds a lot like what went on in Palestine/Israel, especially since the religious lines in both these countries contour almost perfectly along economic ones. And we all know how well the Israel/Palestine split worked out.

13. Miranda Kerr gave birth to a perfect child, in a perfect (long, difficult but completely drug free) labour. And I bet she already has her perfect body back.

While I’d like to say that I plan on blogging in more depth about some, if not all, of the topics above, I know this totally isn’t going to happen. And there’s stuff that’s gone on that I haven’t included, partly because I’ve been watching mainstream media, and partly because no-one really needs to hear about the horrific consequences of my Brazilian wax last weekend. What I will say is that the lasagna craving was suitably satisfied with the tasty home invention of ‘Lasagna in a bowl’ and that dinner, when made by someone else, really does taste better.

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