Never to suffer would have been never to have been blessed

2 Dec

Wise words from Edgar Allan Poe. But clearly the man had never been pregnant.

I’m going to try not to whine here, I really am. But I also have to say I’m not one of those lovely pregnant women who glow and are all like ‘being pregnant rocks!’Because the only rocks I’ve had have been produced by my bowel and the glow from that is more like an angry red flush.

Let me first say I am beyond happy to be pregnant. I can’t believe how incredibly lucky we have been to conceive so quickly (even though if felt like an eternity) and to have had a stress free pregnancy so far. The duo that is the Boy and I will become three in just over six months and that thought, that feeling, is goosepimply good.

But some days I don’t love being pregnant at all. Mostly because I’m more tired than I’ve been in my entire life, my body is doing strange things, and I’m living with overwhelming anxiety every waking minute. I’ve been nauseous almost every day for the past 11 weeks. I’ve been covered in skin rashes and coldsores that have made me scratch so bad I’ve woken up with blood under my fingernails.  I’ve struggled through days at work where I’ve just wanted to die from the overwhelming urge to vomit. I can’t stand up without feeling dizzy, I haven’t been able to exercise in weeks, I’ve been constipated, had diarrhea, been bloated with gas, had numerous headaches, my boobs are sore but haven’t grown a millimetre and I feel like I’ve completely lost my body and personality to the life growing within.  Oh, and it hurts, a lot, when I leave it too long to pee.

The first trimester sure hasn’t been a joy, but I do acknowledge it’s been an almighty blessing. Pork Chop has survived 11 whole weeks. S/he’s grown nicely, had a good strong heartbeat, and if I’m not mistaken did a backflip yesterday which I believe I happened to feel. Call me crazy but that twinge I got yesterday was markedly different from gas (a now very familiar friend) and I’d like to think that some of the fluttering I’ve had today is the little dude spinning around.

And you know what? That feeling alone is enough to make up for all the crap I’ve put up with over the past three months. Because on days like these where I’ve sat miserably at work trying not to hurl and wondering why anyone in their right mind would ever want to get pregnant, I remember that there’s a little someone growing up inside of me whose personality is already shining through. A little someone I can barely wait to meet.


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