This is why girls have girlfriends

20 Oct

Ah. Vomit. Who knew I’d be so excited to see you?

So I’ve been struggling with the whole ‘Quick! Panic! I can’t possibly be pregnant!’ thing, and The Boy’s reaction to it all. In fact, the elephant in the room got so big last night I thought I’d suffocate, then blearily tried to talk about it, without really having anything to say other than that I’m excited/scared/nervous/sore/tired/moody/confused/happy, but not in that particular order.  The Boy did his best, and that’s great, but there is nothing like a girlfriend who’s just gone through exactly what you’re going through to shed some light on the whole situation.

Weird symptoms? Depressed? Excited but simultaneously crapping your pants? Oh, you had that too?! Awesome!

Yes, after a little bit of sharing I feel so much better now. Apparently it’s perfectly normal to obsess over every little twinge, spot, bloat and emotion. And, great news for me, it’s even normal to obsess over the complete absence of any horrible feeling. Because up to now, I’ve been all like ‘OMG, I’m cramping, that’s it, it’s all over’, then seconds later when the cramps have gone I’m all ‘OMG, I can’t feel anything, that’s it, it’s all over,’ which, let me tell you, is probably the worst type of emotional rollercoaster I’ve ever been on.

The best thing? If the little poppyseed sticks, I get to look forward to this feeling of impending doom and worry for the rest of my life. Baby’s born safe? Great! But I’ll probably do something wrong when I get it home. Finally walking? Now I have to worry about electrical cords and child-proofing the knife drawer. Don’t even get me started on the teenage years. I’ve already got our unborn daughter enrolled in a mountain top convent from the age of 15 and plan to totally cramp our unborn son’s style so he never has any friends and therefore will never be in a car full of said friends, speeding down some highway.

But, this is why girls have girlfriends. To make them feel normal, and rational, and perfectly OK, even when they’re walking down Main Street, Crazy Town. And believe me, as Lady Mayoress of Crazy Town, I know what that walk down Main Street is like.

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