The two week wait

6 Sep

So the whole trying to get pregnant thing? Totally does your head in.

I spent years actively trying not to get pregnant, convinced that I was so fertile just kissing a boy would get me with child before you could say Holy Mother Mary (thanks, Mum). But turns out all that worry, all those fretful moments, were a complete and utter waste of time. Now that I’m actually trying to get pregnant, I’ve learned that:

  1. There’s only a 20% chance that you’ll get pregnant in any one cycle
  2. That’s providing you have sex on the right day before ovulation
  3. There are any number of ‘pregnancy’ symptoms that you can torture yourself with that are also suspiciously (exactly) like the symptoms you get when you ovulate, or when you get your period
  4. There is nothing as utterly crushing as getting your period when you’ve convinced yourself that those phantom pregnancy symptoms you’ve been experiencing  are actual pregnancy symptoms
  5. The two week wait is enough to make any woman offer a sacrifice to the fertility gods to deliver her with the lucky two red lines, ten days early

If you’ve got an irregular period, or you managed to luck and get pregnant first try, good for you. You probably haven’t experienced the torture of the two week wait and I honestly wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

As for me, I’ve joined the sad ranks of those who obsessively pore over Google search results trying to find confirmation that the latest twinge, tingle, craving or mood swing is a reliable indication that there’s a bun in the oven. And I’m not alone. There are thousands of us out there, some who have been doing the whole temperature taking/abstaining from anything enjoyable like chocolate, soft cheese and alcohol thing for over a year. A YEAR. We’ve been vaguely trying for the past three months and I’ve already let my imagination run loose to the point that I know exactly what the first day of school is going to be like for my adopted children, Pandu and Lila. And I’m getting really freakin’ cranky without my daily six cups of tea.

Anyway today, Monday, was the first day that I realised I had actually ovulated (based on the 0.3C raise in my temperature that I detected at 6am this morning) and could now start obsessing over whether I felt pregnant or not (I don’t). Already I’ve stalked out a few baby-making sites and have found out that I should/shouldn’t be able to feel something by now, and that if I can/can’t then I’m definitely/not pregnant. Sigh. And to think, I now have 12 days left of this before I’m either a) devastated or b) committed to freaking out that something indescribably horrible is going to happen for the next, oh, say, rest of my life.


One Response to “The two week wait”

  1. anothermaternityblogger March 3, 2011 at 6:40 pm #

    This is hysterical. I’m in the process of my first two week wait and you’ve captured the insanity with incredible accuracy. Good luck you both 🙂

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